It's finally winter break! I'm loaded with homework/projects but I get to see my best friend in less than a week and my excitement is unfathomable. here's the music that has gotten me through the past few weeks:
As Luck Would Have It//Tom Rosenthal
"As luck would have it I'm on the planet, and so it seems are you"
Whale//Yellow Ostrich
"We will go far into the blue"
Chinese Translation//M.Ward
"if life is really as short as they say"
Where Do You Run To//The Vivian Girls
"It's alright, just leave the light on"
enjoy yourself, take a day off, and look at what's around you
today it rained all day and my whole town has been enveloped in a very twin peaks fog. normally I find comfort in this atmosphere, but today I just feel crushed by it. Fog isn't light, it's heavy. it swarms and consumes. it hides things and makes the path not as clear.
I'm going to college, that I know. But I want to go to a rigorous and challenging one, with people of the same mindset as me. while they're only one part of the application, having test scores on the lower end of the spectrum that my most loved schools accept scares me. college is scary, there's no certainties, and it's very much a lottery. most of my friends are seniors, and so all this talk about applications is rampant.
I know I'm going to college, but is it bad to want something more than that?
I watched this mini-documentary about the changing climate, and I'm not much of a nature hippie, but it made me cry. A few weeks ago I watched this documentary recommended by my chem teacher and I felt a weight on my chest. And I don't think I really figured out why I had that weight until yesterday: I don't want to spend my life in an office. for a while I think I was hell bent on this idea that I would work in international relations, because I've taken some related classes and I'm good at it, but an old friend reminded the other day: you shouldn't do stuff just because you're good at it, you should do it because you want to. I suddenly started researching completely different degrees than I had in the past, more science oriented ones, and I felt excited about college again.
deciding what you want to do with the rest of your life is hard, and I'm just coming to accept that.
sorry for this throw up of thought and negativity.
Life has been busy, and once more I list for reference.
Music
One Summer Night - Ariel Pink // the weather here right now makes me think summer is forever 1992 - Rejjie Snow // Slow and hazy rap for foggy mornings Ghost Town - First Aid Kit // music to wake up to and feel fulfilled This Year - The Mountain Goats // sheds light during even the most stressful times Tangerine - Led Zeppelin // growing up my parents would always play classic rock, and this song seemed to be a favorite Trains and Boats and Planes - Dionne Warwick // reminds me that while I'm stuck in the moment (love u jb), I'm still going places
Albums: Pure Heroine - Lorde and Blue Neighborhood - Troye Sivan
Quotes
"be in charge of your own light switch"
"There's no one smarter or more capable than you, there's only people who have studied more than you" - Terry Crews
"Scranton is the Paris of Northeastern Pennsylvania" - Michael Scott on The Office
"If you think about it, Trump is just political performance art" - my friend
TV Shows
MASTERS OF NONE. JUST LOVE YOURSELF AND WATCH IT. I came home from the SATs and watched the whole series (thirteen 30min episodes) in one go and it was the best decision ever. Everything from the cinematography to the script is spot on and my love for Aziz has never been greater. Also the soundtrack is perfect.
Kylie Jenner for Interview - "And I don't know, I like hiking. I used to do a lot of hiking when I
wasn't as busy. I had a lot of anxiety when I was younger, so I would
just run to this hill path in the back of my mom's house and listen to
Jack Johnson. I would listen to Jack Johnson and stare at the sky until
my anxiety went away."
Oh look I'm swamped in homework but I'm writing on here instead! I love responsibility.
Here, once again, is another list-y post where I talk about random stuff I'm liking. It's mostly for future reference for me, but I thought I'd share anyway.
bell hooks and Laverne Cox had a discussion on race and feminism and the white supremist capitalist patriarchy (bell's favorite), and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Reading and listening to bell hooks (I'm working on "belonging: a culture of place" right now) always leaves me feel more aware of my white privilege and how that affects every. single. aspect. of. my. life., which is helping me to be informed on race dynamics and how to do my part in today's society. (I'm looking forward to this talk with Gloria Steinem (!!) and bell as well)
In middle school I had an Israeli friend and her mom would make the best shakshuka, and I've finally attempted at making it on my own with this recipe. I've eaten it as snacks, breakfasts, and dinners wayyy too many times over the past week.
I went on an adventure to the local art museum the other day and saw rooms and rooms of art from the Wyeth family, but my favorite piece of them all was this new piece (like, this year new) from Jamie Wyeth. It's a screen door connected to a painting of his, and I couldn't stop looking at it.
I watched a whole season of Friday Night Lights this past week, and then read the synopsis' for the rest of the seasons. I started watching after going to my schools first football game of the season with the most reassuring friend group and feeling excited as we won by a landslide.
Normally, I'm not the biggest fan of quotes, but there are a few that have really stuck out to me lately:
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“Tonight I love you in a way that you have not
known in me: I am neither worn down by travels nor wrapped up in the
desire for your presence. I am mastering my love for you and turning it
inwards as a constituent element of myself. This happens much more often
than I admit to you, but seldom when I’m writing to you. Try to
understand me: I love you while paying attention to external things. At
Toulouse I simply loved you. Tonight I love you on a spring evening. I
love you with the window open. You are mine, and things are mine, and my
love alters the things around me and the things around me alter my
love.” - Jean Paul Sartre in a letter to Simone de Beauvoir
The bolded and underlined parts are all me - those are the sections that stuck with me.
I remember how around a year ago I walked from my apartment all the way to the cemetery where Sartre and Beauvoir are buried. I remember getting lost along the way and asking the most content old women how to get there, and how she smiled when I told her about how I was interested in the architecture. When I walked through the gates, I saw their tombstones right next to each other, covered in lipstick kisses, and for some reason it made my heart really heavy.
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“To harbor spiteful feelings against ordinary people for not being heroes is possible only for narrow-minded or embittered man.”- Chekhov
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This tweet:
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“You shrunk and bottled in a glass jar, you’re a portable saint. Knowing you is like knowing Jesus. There are billions of us and only one of you so I don’t expect much from you personally. There are no answers to my life. But I’m touched by you and fulfilled just by believing.” - Chris Kraus, I Love Dick
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And finally, my favorite, from The Favorite:
"i feel laughter in my heart... no wait that's just lasagna" Chloe aka @suburbandog on twitter
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I went to the diner at 1am yesterday with someone who made conversation easy and laughed at my stories, and everything was a blurry dreamy haze. She's one of those people that have helped to remind me what friendship is meant to feel like.
I'm falling in love with Girlpool and Simon & Garfunkel and King Krule and the Twin Peaks instrumental soundtrack all over again.
A lot has been happening lately, so I thought I'd list it all off.
TV/Movies/Podcasts:
It's no secret that Gilmore Girls is my favorite show, and so when I found Gilmore Guys, a podcast where two guys go through every episode of Gilmore Girls and discuss it, I couldn't even comprehend my joy.
I've been getting back in to This American Life and once again I realize how stupid I was to have ever stopped listening ??
Comet is a drama/romance movie that bounces around the timeline of a couple's relationship. The filters and film technique was clearly trying to convince the viewer it was indie, which normally I would find to be a little much, but I couldn't stop watching it. (check it out on Netflix)
Music:
My best friend and I were talking about end-of-the-summer music (to preface this, a landmark event in our friendship was a To Kill a King concert where they played "Choices" which has the depressing "this is how the summer ends" line), and she mentioned Slow Down by Twiceyoung. I had never heard of them before, but their album (including Slow Down) is up for free download on Bandcamp which always excites me.
Unashamedly, Jolene by Dolly Parton is one of my favorite songs ever. I sing it to pump myself up (even though its about heartbreak??) and I love when people cover or play around with its sound, and lately I've fallen in love with the Kygo remix of the song.
I wrote a review of Dave Monks first release as a solo artist, All Signs Point to Yes, for Vandala Magazine's September issue. I'm still learning how to write an actual review so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ , I'll figure it out eventually.
I'd love to put Frank Oceans new album here because no doubt I will love it, but he hasn't released it yet - WHATS UP WITH THAT FRANK U SAID JULY. Over the past 22 days I've complained to everyone I know about it, and I really just need to get over it ("there's a whole ocean of franks out there" - my cousin in attempts to console me).
Hippie Sabotage has also been hitting on the summer, cheesy "free spirit"/Youth Lagoon vibe I've been after lately.
Other:
SUBMIT TO FUNNY WOMEN ZINE - it's a zine my amazingly talented and creative friend Chloe is starting about women in comedy - check out the site or email her at funnywomenzine@gmail.com to find out more! I'll definitely be posting updates as she gets closer to the publication of the first issue!
I got my drivers license! I have a car now too, so I'm an unstoppable concert-going teen.
I'm visiting my grandparents in Florida, and for the billionth time I'm falling into embarassing appreciation of the Florida Gothic post.
This past week has been up and down - some days I feel super accomplished, and others I feel like a lifeless slug that just lies around and watches Buzzfeed videos, fawning over Eugene, for hours. As I've been preparing for the return of school, I find myself scared and attempting to scramble to get ahead on random studying (SATs) while I can, yet I can't find the motivation to actually do so.
I read something my friend Chloe wrote recently, and she mentioned a favorite quote of mine from Amy Poehler: "Great people do things before they are ready. They do things before they know they can do it.”, and it strangely gave me confidence. I wrote it on a notecard and slipped it into my backpack, because sometimes you need those reminders of how great you and the choices you made are.
I go to the beach to visit my grandparents next week and I'm excited to be in their sunshine again.
I've been listening to this and this and enjoying the peacefulness of the nature around my house.
Sitting down and writing has seemed intimidating and hard recently. The impending doom of the return of high school in a month also just seems so overwhelming to me right now. What worries me sometimes is that I'm perfectly content lying in bed all day/summer and getting up only for food breaks (which have been vegan this week because 1. I was really motivated by Oprah's episode on veganism and 2. have you seen Freelee or Essena????).
This week I somehow stumbled upon this rapper Allday, and I've been enjoying his latest release "Soft Grunge Love Rap". I think I'm latching onto the sound because I keep waiting for Frank Oceans new album (WHERE IS IT FRANK?? YOU SAID JULY) and he has the same vibes in his music.
I've been spending a lot of my time on Code Academy recently because I feel like coding is an important thing to know how to do. I've obviously invested my website designing skills into creating the ultimate Matt Damon and Ben Affleck friendship site.
As you can see it's super high tech and really detailed. I was only 95% inspired by Mindy Kaling's show and 5% inspired by Gone Girl.
I've been listening to Someone New by Hozier (also this) on repeat for the past 24 hours because it reminds me of a day trip I took with a friend to Philly back in June. We're actually meeting up this week and having a Gilmore Girls marathon before volunteering for a day so I'm excited (mostly for Gilmore Girls, but ya win some ya lose some).
I might go to the TV Girl concert tonight but literally ALL OF MY FRIENDS are out of town so my Dad wants to come with me because he think it'll be a good bonding experience. I don't think he understands me when I try to describe how small the venue and how different it'll be from his previous concert experiences, but whatever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .
I watched Welcome to Me and I loved Kristen Wiig and I think more people need to appreciate it (hence the title of this post)
Asides from summer work for school and SAT prep nothing much has been happening.
